Psychological Struggles

Recently, I've been particularly troubled, feeling like I'm living in a state of extreme tension. The first thing I do every morning is check my phone, afraid of missing important information or work arrangements. It feels like being a constantly running machine that can't stop.

Before work meetings, I start overthinking the night before: Is my report prepared well enough? Are there any typos in the PowerPoint? Will the leaders think my presentation isn't good enough? These thoughts keep spinning in my head, making it hard to sleep soundly at night.

Meeting friends makes me even more anxious. Even though it's a gathering with long-time friends, I always worry: What if there's an awkward silence? Will they think I haven't made any progress in recent years? Am I dressed too casually? These seemingly trivial matters always make me restless.

The most stressful thing is seeing messages from my boss. Every time my phone rings and I see it's a WeChat message from my boss, my heart races: Did I make a mistake at work? Will there be some urgent task? Even if it's just a simple work confirmation, I stay nervous for quite a while.

This state is really exhausting, and I've noticed many friends are the same way. Some work until midnight double-checking emails for fear of making mistakes; some are always extremely careful in social situations worrying about others' opinions; and some simply isolate themselves, thinking that's the safest option.

Dropping the Sword

While struggling with these issues, I came across Mel Robbins' "Drop the Sword" theory. This metaphor really resonated with me, hitting right at the heart of my situation.

Imagine we're all like fully armed warriors, tightly gripping a heavy sword. This sword represents our defense mechanisms, our guardedness towards the world, our constant state of readiness to face "crises." We always feel that without this preparation, we'll get hurt, fail, or be looked down upon.

But have you ever thought that what's really exhausting us is precisely this sword itself? It's too heavy, and holding it every day makes our arms ache. More importantly, this sword blocks many beautiful things from coming near us.

Take me for example, I used to bring this "sword" to friend gatherings. I was afraid of others saying something that might hurt me, afraid of being laughed at for not performing well enough. As a result, I was always exhausted after each gathering, taking several days to recover. Looking back now, those so-called "defenses" were just barriers I created for myself.

Case Analysis

My job hunting experience last month gave me a deeper understanding of this principle. It was a company I really wanted to join, and the position perfectly matched my career plans. When I received the interview notice, I was both excited and nervous.

The night before the interview, I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep. My mind kept rehearsing various scenarios that might happen the next day: What if the interviewer asks questions I can't answer? What if they think my experience isn't enough? What if I suddenly freeze up during the interview? I even imagined the worst scenario: the interviewer coldly saying "we'll let you know," and me leaving dejectedly.

The next day, I went to the interview with huge dark circles under my eyes, only to find reality was completely different from what I had imagined. The interviewer was a very gentle person, and the whole process felt more like a relaxed conversation. We talked about many topics of mutual interest, and the atmosphere was great. After the interview, I realized all my worrying the night before had been a complete waste of energy.

This reminded me of another similar experience. Last year, it was my turn to give the annual team summary report. I spent two whole weeks preparing for this report, revising the PowerPoint every night, afraid something wouldn't be good enough. On the day of the presentation, I found my colleagues' responses were all positive, and I received lots of constructive feedback. At that moment, I realized that often, we're too harsh on ourselves.

Method of Transformation

Through these experiences, I began to seriously consider how to truly "drop the sword." This process is both difficult and easy. It's difficult because we need to overcome habits formed over many years, but it's easy because the methods are actually right beside us.

Moments of Awareness

First, we need to learn to recognize when we're in a tense state. This process is particularly interesting, like standing outside your own body, observing your reactions from an observer's perspective.

When I'm nervous, my body shows some obvious signals: my shoulders involuntarily tense up, as if carrying a heavy weight; my breathing becomes rapid, sometimes even feeling chest tightness; my heartbeat noticeably quickens, feeling like my heart might jump out. These are all signs that I'm "holding up the sword."

According to psychological research, when people are in a tense state, their bodies produce a series of stress responses. Blood pressure rises by 15-20 mmHg, and heart rate increases by 20-30 beats per minute. These physiological responses further intensify our tension, forming a vicious cycle.

I've now developed a habit: whenever I notice these symptoms, I remind myself: "Hey, relax, it's not that big a deal." This simple self-reminder often helps me become aware of my state and begin to adjust.

Deep Breathing Exercise

After recognizing that we're in a tense state, the most direct and effective method is deep breathing. I particularly like the 4-7-8 breathing method: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds. It might feel a bit difficult when first practicing, but if you persist, you'll find this method particularly effective.

Research shows that this breathing method can reduce heart rate by 10-15 beats per minute within 90 seconds. The principle is simple: when we do deep breathing, it stimulates the vagus nerve, helping the body transition from a "fight or flight" state to a relaxed state.

I do 10 such breathing exercises every morning after waking up, treating it as a morning gift to myself. Gradually, I found my tolerance for stress increased, and I don't get nervous as easily when facing unexpected situations.

Sometimes when encountering thorny issues at work, I also use this method. For example, doing deep breathing before handling urgent emails; standing at the meeting room door for a moment before meetings to do a simple breathing exercise. These small actions, though simple, really help me stay calm.

Transforming Jealousy

Speaking of emotional management, we can't avoid discussing another issue that troubles many people: jealousy. This emotion is really subtle, like a little monster lurking in the depths of our hearts, occasionally popping up to cause trouble.

The Nature of Jealousy

Mel Robbins' interpretation of jealousy was enlightening. She believes that jealousy is actually a mirror, reflecting the desires deep in our hearts. This perspective is brilliant; it completely changed how I view jealousy.

For instance, when I see friends posting photos of their world travels on social media, I feel a twinge of sourness in my heart. In the past, I would scold myself: why am I so petty, what does it matter if others are doing well? Now I understand that this emotion is actually telling me: I too long for a spontaneous journey, I too want that kind of free lifestyle.

Similarly, when seeing colleagues get promoted and receive raises, I feel lost and jealous. But thinking about it differently, doesn't this just show that I also want to make breakthroughs in my career? This cognitive shift transforms jealousy from a purely negative emotion into a tool for self-awareness.

Action Guide

Once we understand the nature of jealousy, we shouldn't let it remain at an emotional level. I began trying to transform this emotion into motivation for action. This process is quite interesting, like turning sour lemons into sweet lemonade.

An interesting survey of 5,000 professionals showed that 78% of people said jealousy sparked their motivation for self-improvement. Even more encouragingly, 35% of them achieved the goals they were jealous of within a year. This data was particularly inspiring to me.

I started recording things that made me feel jealous, then seriously considering: what do I need to do to achieve similar goals? For example, when seeing others running their studios well, I started learning relevant management knowledge; when seeing others writing excellent articles, I began practicing writing every day.

Gradually, I developed a new attitude towards others' success. Rather than spending energy on jealousy, I turned it into motivation for progress. This transformation not only made my mindset more positive but also helped me improve in many aspects.

Practical Suggestions

At this point, some might ask: I understand these principles, but how do I actually achieve them? Indeed, knowing is easier than doing. But with the right methods and enough patience, psychological adjustment is completely achievable.

Daily Training

My suggestion is to start with small goals. Set three small goals for yourself each day, ensuring these goals are specific and achievable. For example: actively greet three colleagues today, speak up at least once during meetings, read for half an hour in the evening.

Here's an interesting discovery: forming a new habit takes an average of 66 days, not the traditional belief of 21 days. This data comes from research at University College London. Knowing this made me feel particularly relieved, no longer anxious about not changing quickly enough.

I write these small goals in my phone's notes and check them off as I complete them. This process makes me feel like I'm improving bit by bit, giving me a sense of achievement. Sometimes I might not complete all goals, but that's okay, what's important is maintaining this attitude of trying.

Tracking Progress

To know if you're improving, recording and tracking are very important. I used my phone's notes to record my emotional changes for a whole month, including how many times I felt nervous each day, the reasons why, and how I dealt with it.

This record revealed an interesting change: the moments when I was "holding up the sword" were indeed gradually decreasing, from an initial average of 8 times per day to now 2-3 times. Moreover, even when anxious emotions arise, I can adjust more quickly.

The recording process itself is a form of awareness training. Through writing it down, I more clearly see my progress and also discover areas that need continued improvement. For example, I found I still get particularly nervous when facing leaders, reminding me I need more practice in this area.

Future Outlook

After this period of practice, I've truly felt the benefits of change. Not getting nervous so easily, not constantly raising the "sword," life has indeed become much lighter.

This reminds me of a World Health Organization statistic: over 280 million people globally are troubled by anxiety emotions, and about 60% of them achieved significant improvement through appropriate psychological adjustment. This data is particularly hopeful, showing that change is entirely possible with the right method.

Now, I'm learning to face life with a more peaceful mindset. When facing challenges at work, I no longer get nervous immediately; in social situations meeting new friends, I can express myself more naturally; receiving messages no longer immediately makes me think of the worst scenarios. This change didn't come easily, but it's definitely worth it.

The process of dropping the sword is actually a process of learning to trust yourself and others. When we no longer constantly guard against everything, we can actually receive more beautiful things. Life should be relaxed and enjoyable, why give ourselves so much pressure?

So, are you ready to drop your sword? Why not start from today, trying to face life with a more relaxed attitude? Trust me, when you truly let go of unnecessary defenses, you'll find life is far more beautiful than imagined.

Take it slow, give yourself some time, give yourself some confidence. Remember, every present moment is a new beginning.